Retire already!!!

So Packers.Com think that they are comedians. They originally posted that Brett Favre has announced his retirement. Well it just turns out to be a mistake.

How the heck to make a mistake like that? Seriously. Unless someone broke in, hijacked the page, and took it over. But I seriously doubt that. My guess is that Brett Farve IS GOING to retire. They just uploaded the page a little too soon. Oops! Moron! You were supposed to do that AFTER the press conference.

In my honest opinion, Brett Favre NEEDS to retire. He's had 17 consistantly good seasons. His stats are awesome. He needs to do his body a favor and retire. How I don't think his talent needs to go to waste just yet. I think he needs to do a Jim Zorn, and become a coach. This guy has so much talent, that I think he would be deadly as a coach.

Source: The Sporting News

Give Turner what he deserves!!!

According to the Sporting News, midnight tonight is when San Diego Charger running back Michael Turner becomes a Free Agent. Okay so his season stats aren't that impressive. But remember, he is LaDanian Tommelson's backup. When LT gets injured, who do they turn to? Michael Turner. The guy is phenomenal. He is an awesome producing running back. If LT decided to retire, Michael Turner could easily step in the role of being the starting running back.

There are a lot of teams in the NFL that could utilize an awesome back like Michael Turner. A couple of teams that immediately come to mind: Arizona Cardinals, Dallas Cowboys, and the Seahawks. Yeah yeah I know, the Seahawks have Shaun Alexander....But is he reliable anymore?

Source: The Sporting News

Eli Manning to be cover boy on Madden 09?

So MJD from Yahoo Sports posted a blog stating that Eli may be cover boy for Madden 09. Well first of all, that's just hearsay....MJD is probably just talking out of his ass like he always does. I love Madden. I have probably bought every iteration of it since Madden 2000 back in the PlayStation 2. But if Eli is going to be on it, then it may be the first one that I don't buy. I won't be able to play a came seeing his Neanderthalic mug everywhere. Apparently the Madden Curse still exists. Vince Young didn't have that great of a season, but I think that's just because he's not that great....Not because of Madden. San Diego Charger Luis Castillo injured his ankle in the 2007 Season causing him to miss 6 games. You know what....I hope EA DOES decide to put Eli Manning on there, this way someone can give his whiney-ass a career ending injury.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Children in Nicaragua told false US Sports History

So what happens to all those shirts, hats, jerseys, and other miscellaneous swag that get made for championship games, but never sees that light of day? Well the NFL donated 290 New England Patriots "Super Bowl Champions, 19-0" items that were created for them got shipped off to impoverished children in Nicaragua. The NFL also donated an equal number of team jerseys as well.

Well that is pretty nice. Even though now children in Nicaragua thing that the Patriots had a perfect 19-0 season. Remind me not to enlist one of them on my NFL trivia team. I also wonder if any of these will hit eBay?

Source: ESPN

Zorn cleaning house

Ever since Jim Zorn was made the new Washington Redskins coach, it looks like he has been cleaning some house. On Friday, Zorn hired former Titans assistant head coach Sherman Smith to be his offensive coordinator. Apparently these two had worked together back in the 1970's and 1980's with the Seahawks.

Jim Zorn is cleaning house, and he has only been there one week! I hope he keeps the Redskins waterboys. I hear they are the best in the NFL, and can pour a mean glass of water.

Source: Yahoo Sports

What is wrong with the NFL?

So now we learn that Bill Belichick, Head Coach for the New England Patriots, has has been illegally taping the New Yorks Jets since the year 2000! Furthermore, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been trying to get a hold of former Patriots employee Matt Walsh on the suspicion of taping a walk through practice by the St. Louis Rams before the 2002 Super Bowl. Now if you all remember, the Patriots came in as the two-touchdown underdog, and they ended up winning the Super Bowl that year in New Orleans.

What did the NFL do to Bill Belichick and the Patriots team? They slapped Bill Bilichick with a $500,000 fine. The Patriots were given a $250,000 fine and forfeited a 1st round draft pick.

Are you freakin' serious? That's it??? What the hell is wrong with the NFL? In the NCAA if it is found that your team cheats or breaks any other rule, the school's athletics division is seriously punished. Anywhere from fines, firing of coaches, to not being allowed to compete in Championship games. Does the NFL really think that slapping Bill Belichick with a $500,000 fine is going to do any good? That fine is only about 12% of his reported 4.3 million dollar a year salary. And the New England Patriots franchise, is $250,000 really going to hurt them? YEAH RIGHT! Is forfeiting a 1st round draft pick going to hurt the number one team in the NFL? Don't make me laugh.

The NFL's investigation on Spygate is/was about as worthless as the 9/11 commission. Yeah it proved they messed up. Is anyone going to take the blame and be seriously punished? Nope. I don't understand why the NFL does not have a "No Tolerance" policy on cheating. Bill Belichick should have been fired. The Patriots should not even be allowed to participate in the NFL Draft. In fact, like Sherrif Joe Arpaio, I think the NFL should make New England Patriots play in pink jerseys! Why? Because only pussies cheat!

Sources: Yahoo Sports, ESPN, AOL Sports

The NFL is Rigged!

You must either agree with me or be strongly considering the possibility if you are reading this article. How else do you explain a QB with a career rating of 73.4 winning a Super Bowl? Especially when this season was his worst season (a paltry 73.9) since his rookie year ? Yes Eli, I'm talking about you. This from a father who has a totally pathetic 67.1 career rating. Don't think I'm picking on the Manning family, Peyton has my respect. He is probably the hardest working player out there and has more than earned his ring with a 94.7 career rating, which includes a staggering 121.1 in 2004! Hell, Peyton's rookie year (71.2) was better than his dad's career rating.

But more to the point of this article. Just look at the information above and tell me how the hell both Manning's can win a Super Bowl...back to back no less? And look at Tom Brady's rating this year, a stunning 117.2. This team set so many records this year that it is almost beyond comprehension. I'm afraid that a conspiracy is afoot. Tom Brady was a robot this year, to see him struggle like that in the Super Bowl (which he has more than one win in, including an MVP) on a team filled with Super Bowl veterans versus a team that only had one player in the Super Bowl before (and he was a backup player on the Patriots at the time) just doesn't make sense. Eli is not athletic by any means, so please explain how he escaped that sack in the closing minute of the Super Bowl... I'll explain, it's called scripted.

OK, now that I bombarded you with stats and what-not. Here's a look at the WHY. As in "Why the hell would the NFL be scripted?" Eli Manning entered the NFL as one of the most hated players, where his brother is one of the more loved, (and his dad? Well, we'll leave him out of it). How did he do that you ask? Simple, he told the San Diego Chargers to not draft him, that if he was drafted by them, he wouldn't show up to training camp. Sorry, playing in the NFL is a privilege, not a right. So San Diego drafts him and traded him to the Giants. Now he's expected to be a passing freak like his dad and brother (who by the way has the worst win/loss ratio in NFL history, even worse than Ryan Leaf (who incidentally has a career rating that is comparable to Archie's)). He sucks as a passing threat, turns out he's no Peyton (guess not working very hard might be a factor). So, now he's four seasons into the NFL, the critics call him a weapon...and in that I agree...he's like a hand grenade, if you don't throw it far enough or soon enough, he'll blow up your hand. Anyway, his statistics and his game play don't match the critical acclaim he's getting. He needs something monumental in order to etch his name into immortality along with his big brother's. What better way than to topple the only undefeated team since the 72 Dolphins in the Super Bowl during the closing minute? What could be more poetic than that? More perfect? More scripted? OK, now if you've been paying attention, you'd be asking yourself "But Sports Assassin, how can it be scripted if it was just one game? Wouldn't it be more like a few payoffs to key people in the last game instead?" Sure, but who's to say that the whole season wasn't planned out this way. You get the momentum and attention set on New England right from the starter's pistol and have the Giants choke out on a couple of games. Right from the beginning you have the whole David and Goliath setup. One team that is just absolutely unstoppable and one team that is the underdog in damn near every game they play. And as long as everyone follows their scripts, you have the best NFL drama to date. Mark my words, we'll see both Manning boys in the Super Bowl soon. I'd be shocked if it happened in the 2008 season though, as that'd arouse too much suspicion from the fans, but never underestimate the power of stupid people in a group.

And now, because of all this, we have to listen to Don Shula run his egotistical mouth for who knows how many more years...*sigh*

-Love me, hate me, flame me, I am The Sports Assassin

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