We're back!

Like herpes....We're back!

Sorry for being away for so long, things happen....You have to deal with em. Blah blah blah, you don't want to hear about any of this. So we'll just give you what you really want.

And while we were gone....Brett Favre....You're a weenie.

Please retire

Dear Junior Seau,

You are one of the greatest line backers and history. But you know what....I don't like you. Why?

I think it started out for me back in 2002 when the Chargers were going against the Raiders, and you made a bet with then KUSI Sportscaster C.S. Keys (a Raiders fan) that you would dye your hair blonde if you guys lost to the Raiders. Well no shocker, the Chargers DID lose, and did you hold up to your promise? No. Like a little girl, you cried and refused to have your hair dyed. Shortly there after, you then got traded to the Dolphins. After your dismal years in Miami, you announced your retirement to the world in 2006.

But I guess making money from your Seau's resturaunt in San Diego just isn't enough. So then being the money-grubbing wanker that you are, you come out of retirement to get on a "Super Bowl" team. Only bad thing is that in 2006, you hurt yourself. Then in 2007, I remember you crying and hold Bill Bellicheck's hand saying "thank you", but just when you think you are going to win the Super Bowl, you have your ass handed to you by captain douchebag himself: Eli Manning and the NY Giants.

Now its up in the air if you are going to return for your 19th Season in the NFL. Junior: do yourself, your team, your fans, and the NFL a favor....RETIRE! You are a cry baby wanker that should be staying at home on his couch in the fetal position sucking your thumb like your normally do.

Source: Boston.Com

Vanderjagt plays in CFL. US relieved

Once named the most accurate kicker in the NFL, and after being cut by the Dallas Cowboys, Mike Vanderjagt returns to professional football to the only place that likes him: Canada.

Mike Vanderjagt has signed with the Toronto Argonauts, a team he use to play for back in the mid-80's before he left to go to the NFL for "fame and fortune". “When you fish and golf enough and you’re only 38 years old and you feel you can still do it. I miss the area and I miss my family and friends. It became a good opportunity, assuming Toronto wanted me, to be able to kick for a few more years," Mike Vanderjagt said in a press conference.

So I guess being called the "idiot kicker who got liquored up and ran his mouth off a lot" by Peyton Manning, being cut by the Dallas Cowboys, and attending training camps with the Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs only no not get signed, and your depleting bank account; didn't make you want to go to Canada like a little baby? Riiiiight.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Who makes these decisions?

Its battle of the pud wackers, as Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton battle for the starting quarterback position. Why am I being so harsh? Lets take a look at how the quarterback situation went down last year: Rex Grossman was the starter, then lost it to Brian Griese, then Rex regained the starting position once Griese got injured, then Grossman fell down and cried like a little girl, and Orton took the position over.

First of all, if you loose the starting quarterback job to Brian Griese....You suck. Like REALLY bad. Second, what the hell are the Bears doing with only two quarterbacks? Oh yeah I forgot you guys just got done over paying your prize kicker, giving him a deal that's $15.5 MILLION DOLLARS over 5 years. Yet you can't even renegotiate a decent-sized contract for your all-star linebacker.

Who the hell makes these decisions? Can someone PLEASE fire all of the general management staff of the Chicago Bears and get someone who knows what the hell they are doing.

Cry me a river...

So I read an article today on NFL.COM, and was laughing my ass off. I immediately sent this article to my colleague Sports Assassin, and we both began almost pissing our pants in laughter.

Vince Young, are you REALLY that much of a pussy? You considered leaving the NFL after ONE YEAR of being in the NFL.?

"I really thought long and hard about it. There was so much going on with my family. It was crazy being an NFL quarterback. It wasn't fun anymore. All of the fun was out of it. All of the excitement was gone. All I was doing was worrying about things," Vince Young said.

WHAT THE FUCK??!?!!! Vince, buddy...You get paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to go to work with a bunch of friends, get coached my some old farts, look at hot chicks prancing around with pom poms, and throw an inflated ball of pig skin across a thick white line. How tough is that? You were also the Madden Cover Boy in your rookie year, that is AMAZING!!!

"My teammates helped lift me out of it. I prayed really hard. And I began to focus on God's calling for me. Play football. Be a role model."

Well at least your team came to your rescue and slapped some sense into, instead of slapping you on the ass with their towels. I really hope this is the last of you crying, Vince. After all, you HAVE BEEN a cry baby all your life.


Source: NFL.COM

The NFL needs more money

Commissioner Roger Goodell is letting everyone know that the NFL means business and is therefore going to start fining teams that has players were suspended for disciplinary reasons.

Goodell says:

“We want to continue to emphasize personal conduct and personal responsibility. One way to do it is to hold teams responsible for the conduct of their players."

So what happens if an NFL team doesn't suspend their players for disciplinary reasons? Does that mean they don't need pay the fine to the NFL? Also how much is the fine going to be? Will it be minimal like the fine that Bill Belichick received for spying on another team?

Source: Yahoo Sports

Tony Romo....Just stop.

Seriously. STOP! RIGHT NOW! Just because you are sleeping with one of the hottest pop singers out there (Jessica Simpson), DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN SING!

I would say I want to strangle Tony Romo, but no. He is just taking advantage of an opportunity that some jackass gave him. I mean who wouldn't want to sing during the 7th inning stretch of a pro baseball game? You know I have a feeling that Jessica Simpson's Dad, Joe Simpson, is behind this. He is responsible for the trash that his two daughters Jessica and Ashley put out!

DAMN YOU PAPA JOE! DAMN YOU!!!!

Source: Yahoo Sports