The Candy Man

That's what J.T. O'Sullivan should be called, because anytime he's on the field he's sure to give up something sweet to the defense. Leading the NFL in interceptions thrown, leading the NFL in fumbles, worst passer rating in the 4th quarter in the NFL. It's time for the douchetastic coach Mike Nolan to change careers to something he can handle, like selling hot dogs in the stands (but first, put Shaun Hill in as starting QB, he was able to produce wins at the end of last year).

It's high time for some house cleaning in Ninerville...starting with new owners, a new front office, a new head coach, a new offensive cordinator (sorry Mike Martz, everyone knows how to defend your shit-hole scheme...pressure the QB because you never do anything to the outside to keep the D-line honest) and draft a real QB that plays in a pro-style offense in college (unlike Alex Smith).

Don't Blog In The Nude

As some of you know, Washington Redskins' douchetastic tight end Chris Cooley likes to blog. What you didn't know is HOW he likes to blog.

Yesterday afternoon Chris Cooley posts on his website a picture of himself studying the Redskins playbook IN THE NUDE!!! When Cooley realized he'd flashed his little rice kernel over the Internet, he apologized immediately: "All apologies from the website. … We did not want to offend anyone. The picture wouldn’t have been up for so long, but we were in the middle of winning a big game. Once again, this was a complete accident, and we regret not reviewing the post more closely."

Wait....Was this taken in the locker room? If so, nothing says "sausage fest" more than 250 lb football players sitting around nude studying their playbook.

For a look at the picture, I direct you here. It is a little NSFW, and I do mean little.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Like the 2000 Presidential Election....RIGGED!

Is it me? Or was the Chargers vs. Bronco's game COMPLETELY RIGGED?!?!!

In the first quarter of the game, FUMBLE by San Diego!!! Or was it?!?!?! Norv Turner challenged the play. TV replays showed San Diego's Chris Chambers elbow on the grass while he had possession of the football as Bronco's Champ Bailey was trying to strip it away. The ball would have been marked as down, but the replay booth's machinery just HAPPENED to malfunction. So how about using the TV replays? Nope, can't do that! The NFL Officials don't have access to that. After two minutes of bullshitting, the call on the field stood. Denver had the ball at the Chargers 29.

But wait....That's not all!

Late in the fourth quarter on the Chargers 1 yard line.....Jay Cutler showed off his butter finger skills and fumbles the ball, only to be scooped up by San Diego linebacker Tim Dobbins. Everyone knew it was a fumble. Even Jay Cutler agreed in his douchetastic voice, "Fumble, I think." The ref blew his whistle when the ball came out, ruling it as an incomplete pass. A review showed that it should have been ruled a fumble. Because instant replay rules are lame, they don’t allow the opponent to gain possession in such situations. My FAVORITE PART is when the Ref came out and said, "All we can do to fix it is put the ball at the spot that it hit the ground, which is why we moved it back to the 10-yard line and the down counts and it becomes third down." WTF??!?!

After that the Broncos scored, and did the two point conversion for the win.

Now do we really need more proof that the NFL is rigged? I mean seriously. This is about as rigged as the 2000 Presidential Election....Or American Idol.

Dumb Ass

Attention whore for the Cincinnati Bengals, Chad Johnson, has legally changed his name. He is now known as "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco". The attention whore can now proudly display "Ocho Cinco" on his jersey like he did two years ago before the kick off of a game.

I am honestly convinced that the NFL puts something in the water that they give to make their players have multiple personalities. First Deion Sanders, then Terell Owens, then Brett Favre, now Chad Johnson! WTF?!??!

When asked why he did it one of Chad Johnson's personalities said, "It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before. Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun." I know what you can do for fun Chad....Walk in front of a bus! Why not?

Source: Yahoo Sports

We're back!

Like herpes....We're back!

Sorry for being away for so long, things happen....You have to deal with em. Blah blah blah, you don't want to hear about any of this. So we'll just give you what you really want.

And while we were gone....Brett Favre....You're a weenie.

Please retire

Dear Junior Seau,

You are one of the greatest line backers and history. But you know what....I don't like you. Why?

I think it started out for me back in 2002 when the Chargers were going against the Raiders, and you made a bet with then KUSI Sportscaster C.S. Keys (a Raiders fan) that you would dye your hair blonde if you guys lost to the Raiders. Well no shocker, the Chargers DID lose, and did you hold up to your promise? No. Like a little girl, you cried and refused to have your hair dyed. Shortly there after, you then got traded to the Dolphins. After your dismal years in Miami, you announced your retirement to the world in 2006.

But I guess making money from your Seau's resturaunt in San Diego just isn't enough. So then being the money-grubbing wanker that you are, you come out of retirement to get on a "Super Bowl" team. Only bad thing is that in 2006, you hurt yourself. Then in 2007, I remember you crying and hold Bill Bellicheck's hand saying "thank you", but just when you think you are going to win the Super Bowl, you have your ass handed to you by captain douchebag himself: Eli Manning and the NY Giants.

Now its up in the air if you are going to return for your 19th Season in the NFL. Junior: do yourself, your team, your fans, and the NFL a favor....RETIRE! You are a cry baby wanker that should be staying at home on his couch in the fetal position sucking your thumb like your normally do.

Source: Boston.Com

Vanderjagt plays in CFL. US relieved

Once named the most accurate kicker in the NFL, and after being cut by the Dallas Cowboys, Mike Vanderjagt returns to professional football to the only place that likes him: Canada.

Mike Vanderjagt has signed with the Toronto Argonauts, a team he use to play for back in the mid-80's before he left to go to the NFL for "fame and fortune". “When you fish and golf enough and you’re only 38 years old and you feel you can still do it. I miss the area and I miss my family and friends. It became a good opportunity, assuming Toronto wanted me, to be able to kick for a few more years," Mike Vanderjagt said in a press conference.

So I guess being called the "idiot kicker who got liquored up and ran his mouth off a lot" by Peyton Manning, being cut by the Dallas Cowboys, and attending training camps with the Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs only no not get signed, and your depleting bank account; didn't make you want to go to Canada like a little baby? Riiiiight.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Who makes these decisions?

Its battle of the pud wackers, as Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton battle for the starting quarterback position. Why am I being so harsh? Lets take a look at how the quarterback situation went down last year: Rex Grossman was the starter, then lost it to Brian Griese, then Rex regained the starting position once Griese got injured, then Grossman fell down and cried like a little girl, and Orton took the position over.

First of all, if you loose the starting quarterback job to Brian Griese....You suck. Like REALLY bad. Second, what the hell are the Bears doing with only two quarterbacks? Oh yeah I forgot you guys just got done over paying your prize kicker, giving him a deal that's $15.5 MILLION DOLLARS over 5 years. Yet you can't even renegotiate a decent-sized contract for your all-star linebacker.

Who the hell makes these decisions? Can someone PLEASE fire all of the general management staff of the Chicago Bears and get someone who knows what the hell they are doing.

Cry me a river...

So I read an article today on NFL.COM, and was laughing my ass off. I immediately sent this article to my colleague Sports Assassin, and we both began almost pissing our pants in laughter.

Vince Young, are you REALLY that much of a pussy? You considered leaving the NFL after ONE YEAR of being in the NFL.?

"I really thought long and hard about it. There was so much going on with my family. It was crazy being an NFL quarterback. It wasn't fun anymore. All of the fun was out of it. All of the excitement was gone. All I was doing was worrying about things," Vince Young said.

WHAT THE FUCK??!?!!! Vince, buddy...You get paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS to go to work with a bunch of friends, get coached my some old farts, look at hot chicks prancing around with pom poms, and throw an inflated ball of pig skin across a thick white line. How tough is that? You were also the Madden Cover Boy in your rookie year, that is AMAZING!!!

"My teammates helped lift me out of it. I prayed really hard. And I began to focus on God's calling for me. Play football. Be a role model."

Well at least your team came to your rescue and slapped some sense into, instead of slapping you on the ass with their towels. I really hope this is the last of you crying, Vince. After all, you HAVE BEEN a cry baby all your life.


Source: NFL.COM

The NFL needs more money

Commissioner Roger Goodell is letting everyone know that the NFL means business and is therefore going to start fining teams that has players were suspended for disciplinary reasons.

Goodell says:

“We want to continue to emphasize personal conduct and personal responsibility. One way to do it is to hold teams responsible for the conduct of their players."

So what happens if an NFL team doesn't suspend their players for disciplinary reasons? Does that mean they don't need pay the fine to the NFL? Also how much is the fine going to be? Will it be minimal like the fine that Bill Belichick received for spying on another team?

Source: Yahoo Sports

Tony Romo....Just stop.

Seriously. STOP! RIGHT NOW! Just because you are sleeping with one of the hottest pop singers out there (Jessica Simpson), DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN SING!

I would say I want to strangle Tony Romo, but no. He is just taking advantage of an opportunity that some jackass gave him. I mean who wouldn't want to sing during the 7th inning stretch of a pro baseball game? You know I have a feeling that Jessica Simpson's Dad, Joe Simpson, is behind this. He is responsible for the trash that his two daughters Jessica and Ashley put out!

DAMN YOU PAPA JOE! DAMN YOU!!!!

Source: Yahoo Sports

More proof that NFL players get paid too much

Chicago Bears kicker Robbie Gould has become the highest paid kicker in the NFL. Robbie Gould has agreed to a five year, $15.5 million deal (which includes a $4.25 million signing bonus) on Monday with Duh Bears (that was a mis-type but it made me laugh so I am leaving it). His deal with Duh Bears (nah that was on purpose) is good until 2013.

Wow a $15.5 million contract just to kick a FUCKING BALL! That's all this guy does is kick a ball. He isn't going to get tackled, on purpose at least. This guy has it easy. I am sure he is sitting on his yacht in the Caribbean right now, sipping on a martini with his pinky out, laughing at Duh Bears management.

Dale Earnhardt Racing, TAKE A SEAT!!!

There is a new Sherriff in town. His name is Randy Moss.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss is forming a NASCAR racing team. Moss Motorsports will be competing in NASCAR's Craftsman Truck series in the 2009 season. "We don't have all of the details in place just yet, but I am very excited about Moss Motorsports becoming a part of NASCAR," Moss said. "I am by nature a very competitive person, and this is an outlet for me to compete at another level."

Has anyone told Randy that they don't race Lincoln Navigators or Cadillac Escalades in NASCAR? Also is it me, or does the name Moss Motorsports just seem like a brand of seat covers you would find at K-Mart?

Although I think his run in NASCAR will be as successful as Motley Crue's Vince Neil's racing team, my hat is off to Randy and his new venture into NASCAR. Something like this is a lot better than pulling a Timothy Worley and having your constant run ins with the law.

Source: Autoweek

TO in TrOuble?

Yes, Terrell Owens, that loud mouth, trash talking, ball dropping buffoon is in trouble again. The problem this time? He kept bonus money from the Philadelphia Eagles that he has been ordered to repay! Remember when he got suspended because of his behavior (I know, what a shocker, eh?) mid-way through 2005 and then released? He was ordered through arbitration to pay back $1.7 million in bonus money, but he's decided to keep nearly $770,000 of it for himself...so this time it looks like they are going to court. I guess since his play making abilities are slipping, he has to get bad publicity elsewhere.

Source: ESPN

Madden Curse? What Madden Curse?

This year EA Sports has decided to give the finger to anyone that believes in the Madden Curse. They have decided to put someone on the cover that the Madden Curse will not be able to touch. Someone, who in my opinion, should have been on there YEARS ago. April 25, 2008 EA Sports announced the new cover boy of its next iteration in its popular Madden series. The cover boy of Madden 2009 is.....Brett Favre.

Yup. I can hardly believe it either.

So what does this mean??? Is the Madden Curse broken? Yes and no. Players that have graced the cover of Madden have generally failed to reproduce their success of their previous years. Well Brett Farve being retired, he has nothing to worry about. However unless EA Sports is going to make retired players as their "cover boys", I can assure you the curse is now PISSED! Whoever EA Sports will choose as the the Madden 2010 "cover boy", is going to be FUCKED!

Frankly, I think Archie Manning has something to do with this. He made sure Eli Manning didn't get drafted to the San Diego Chargers, and for some reason Eli isn't the cover boy on Madden 09. DAMN YOU ARCHIE MANNING!

Source: NBC Sports

Seahawks cut Alexander. Alexander surprised.

Okay this is kind of old news. However since the Seahawks are my favorite team, I HAD to write about it.

Wednesday April 23, 2008 the Seattle Seahawks released former MVP running back Shaun Alexander. Two years prior to his release, he signed a $62 million contract become the franchise player.

Now gee, I wonder WHY he was cut. In 2005 he became the NFL MVP and a Super Bowl apperarence. Since then its been down hill. The last two seasons have been horrid in terms of performance and full of injuries for Alexander. In the last two years, he rushed for a around 1600 yards, compared to his 1690 yards rushed in 2004 then his 2005 MVP performance of 1880 yards.

I am actually surprised that the Seahawks kept him that long. Mike Holmgren and the rest of the Seahawks must have really liked him. Its not like they didn't give him a chance to improve. He had two full seasons!

Like George Michael, Shaun Alexander is making a come back! Well so he claims. "I will be playing for another NFL team this fall and doing everything I can to contribute," Alexander told the Associated Press. My guess is that will include passing out water to the player has he sits on the sidelines.

Source: Kansas City Star

Will they ever learn?

Just because you are a celebrity you are not above the law. I'm talking about Kenton Keith and his run in with the law Sunday night. Apparently he was out clubbing at Cloud 9 in Indianapolis and decided that he didn't have to leave after the place closed at 3:00am like everyone else has to because...and I quote..."I'm a Colts player!" So, I have to ask...so what? You are a person that has been asked by authorities to leave the premise as is required by everyone, so leave already. But that's not all, as you'd expect, he claimed that he was innocent, however, the list of charges suggests otherwise. He was charged with misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct, resisting law enforcement, public intoxication and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, because a man he brought to the club with him was 19.

But remember everyone, he's a Colts player so therefore he's innocent. Just like Michael Vick and OJ Simpson are innocent too.


Source: ESPN News

Captain Oaf and his princess get married

Captain Oaf has gotten married! Proof that big dopey oafs CAN get hot women. Maybe he has a nice personality. Hmmm. Anyways Eli Manning and his HOT new wife, Abby McGrew, were married yesterday in Los Cabos, Mexico. I guess Eli won't have anymore nights like the picture below.

In any case, just remember Captain Oaf, DON'T PUT THE PUSSY ON A PEDESTAL! Congratulations Eli, break a leg. No, really....Break it!

Where are they now: Michael Westbrook

Michael Westbrook was the 4th pick from the Washington Redskins in the 1995 draft. Being in the NFL didn't really make Michael Westbrook happy, and for good reason too. The guy simply just had bad luck. He was injury prone, he only played one full 16 game season. The other seasons that weren't the complete seasons were very dismal ones, stat wise.

So what is he doing today? Fuck the NFL! Michael Westbrook has basically taken everything NFL-related out of his house and has concentrated on Mixed-Martial Arts. He currently holds a purple belt in Brazillian Jujitsu and hopes to earn his brown belt really soon. Michael also has the goal of achieving black belt within a couple years. Typically it takes about 10 years or so to become a black belt in Brazillian Jujitsu. DAMN!

Michael has already won national and Pan-Am championships. I was gonna say that he should have a try at the UFC and fight as a professional. Apparently he has already done that! He fought only one match in the UFC where he defeated former NFL player Jarrod Bunch.

Kudos to you Mr. Westbrook. You know sometimes the NFL isn't for everyone. You can be the shit in college, but just suck balls in the NFL. Glad to see that instead of going down hill, Michael Westbrook decided to turn things around and make things better for himself.

Source: ESPN

New NFL schedule is posted

The NFL has released the 2008 Season Schedule. You can view it by going here.

There will also be two games being played in Europe as well: October 26th Chargers vs Saints and another some time in December (which is to be determined).

Damn first they take away NFL Europe, then they pour salt in their wounds.

Since NFL Europe is gone, can we have NFL Japan? Oh come on, you can't tell me that seeing a bunch of little 5'5" tall Asian guys running around playing football wouldn't be entertaining.

There is room to build in Los Angeles?

Wait....There is actually room to build new things in Los Angeles? Where? Or shall I say, when did the city of Los Angeles extend out their city limits?

In any case, it appears that a private developer REALLY wants Los Angeles to have a NFL team again. Edward P Roski, who also is a part owner of the Kings and Lakers, has been pestering the NFL to bring a team back to Los Angeles. I guess guess being a multi-millionaire just doesn't cut it for him. On Thursday he unveiled a 75,000 seat stadium that will sit on 600 acres of already zoned land that he owns. This huge piece of land is about 20 miles outside of Los Angeles and is located around the southern intersection of the 57 and 60 freeways. Along with the stadium, he will build a shopping mall as well.

Now Mr. Roski says that this stadium will not cost tax payers ANY MONEY. Let me translate that for you....That Big Mac meal that you buy at your local McDonalds for $3.99, will cost $10.99 and for some reason the patty will be only half as small as the already tiny-ass patty on the Big Mac.

So if the politicians in the city of Los Angeles pulls the fingers out of their asses, they could have a new stadium time for the 2011 NFL season.

Now this is what sucks, the NFL has NO PLANS of expanding the NFL. That means that Los Angeles would have to convince a team to move to Los Angeles. Well there are plenty of cry baby teams out there that want a new stadium: New Orleans Saints, San Diego Chargers, Minnesota Vikings, and the Jacksonville Jaguars. I think Los Angeles does need an NFL team again. It feels weird for them not too. I say bring back the Los Angeles Buccaneers. Who cares if there is already a team called the Buccaneers? And until they get their stadium, make them a "road only" team like the former Buccaneers. Also make their team's primary colors black. That way the hoodlums in Los Angeles can finally support their home team instead of the Raiders.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Former NFL Player tasered by the cops

A friend sent me an article and a clip of former NFL Player Timothy Worley getting tasered in Atlanta Georgia for a traffic stop. He was originally stopped for a DUI. Then among further investigation, he was charged with speeding, failure to maintain lane, driving with a suspended license and no proof of insurance. Yet despite this, he wasn't charged for resisting arrest. Nice. Worley is being held on other outstanding warrants.

This isn't the first time Worley had a run in with the law. In 1993 he was suspended in the NFL due to illegal drug use. Then in March 1994 he arrested in Illinois after a high-speed chase. He was charged with fleeing and eluding police, running a red light, speeding, driving with a suspended license and having no valid license.

You know, it really surprises me when people that have a natural talent and given a chance to get paid MILLIONS to use it and send their whole life into waste because they are stupid. Just because you are a celebrity of any kind or a pro athlete does not mean your invincible.

Based on the video, I think the police officers handled it fine. He was resisting arrest by refusing to be handcuffed. He snapped back in a threatening manner. Instead of the police nightsticks they could have used, the chose to use the taser. Something A LOT less lethal.

I'll be interesting to see how this all unfolds.


Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Bryant Gumbel leaves....No one cares.

Bryant Dumbell (that was a typo, but I am leaving it cause it made me laugh) has decided to leave his sports analyst position on the NFL Network. To a big surprise, no one cares.

Gumbel said in a statement, "I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to call NFL Network games the past two years, which was a new experience for me, but we've agreed that we'd all be better served going in different directions."

What that translates to is, "Once again I have burnt bridges because I am conceited-ass. So I am going to leave the NFL Network before they actually fire me."

Source: The Sporting News

Time to start using protection

If the members of the Cleveland Browns would stop making out with each other, and learn to use protection, perhaps the staph infection that is currently running rampant for the last four years wouldn't even exist. According to Web M.D., staph infection is contracted by "casual contact". You naughty boys!

Wide Receiver Joe Jurevicius is the latest Cleveland Brown to have contracted the staph infection. Poor LeCharles Bentley is STILL trying return to the NFL from the staph infection he contracted back in 2006. The guy has been through THREE SURGERIES already!

Whatever the case may be, they need to have some medical experts look into this. Seriously. I really hope that no other of the Browns get infected with this, and that the ones that are battling this staph infection get a speedy recovery.

Hippies in the NFL (Update)

The proposed rule to no longer allow long hair in the NFL as reported by Philippe earlier has been tabled until the next owner's meeting. That means that Troy Polamalu (among other players) will be able to use their frilly pink ribbons for one more season. I bet he squeeled like a little nerd girl would if the captain of the football team were to ask her to a dance.

-MC-

P.S. Maybe we really will see something like this in the NFL this season...

Old news that still makes me laugh

Here's proof that I do have a sense of humor: The Oakland Raiders got excited about signing ex-49ers Kwame Harris to their offensive line. Now, one more time...the Raiders are excited about signing a player so bad that he wasn't even good enough to be a backup on the worst offensive line in the NFL. Since when did Art Shell find a sense of humor? Bet you'll laugh to yourself every time you see the Raiders take the field this season, I know I will.

Frerotte must have cockroach DNA

The Minnesota Vikings have signed antique QB Gus Frerotte for the 2008 season. Now, they signed him because Brooks Bollinger and Kelly Holcomb failed to be a good backup for Tarvaris Jackson. Who's surprised about this? I'm not. Minnesota released Holcomb (smart move). However, here's where it gets sad. They want to have more "polish" at the backup position and get them to push Jackson into fighting for his starting job. All together now...What the ?!? That's sad when a 14 year veteren who's last season was rated UNDER 60 is in the running for a starting position. That's like getting excited about Betty White doing a strip tease *shudder*. In all honesty, Minnesota could do better by using their #17 pick overall in the draft on a QB...any QB...even one still playing Pop Warner...than waste another season with such a lack luster QB depth chart. Hell, they might as well use all their picks as you can't get anywhere without a good field general...unless you're the New York Giants.

This actually surprises people?

Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank has been keeping in touch with Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick. According to Blank, Michael Vick has been playing football.

Well DUH what else do you think he is going to play? He can't do anything else. He obviously has no brain, and participated in dog fighting. Does this surprise anyone. Michael Vick also got a real job. He is a pot washer and makes 12 cents an hour. Its about time you did some real work Vick!

Source: ESPN

Romo and Simpson are married

I don't know if I should should laugh or puke. Rumor has it that Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and Jessica, hot piece of ass but dumb as nails, Simpson are getting married. Tina Simpson, Jessica's mother is like her husband. She'll whore out her daughters as long as she get paid. So when TMZ.COM caught up her and Jessica leaving Chili's in Los Angeles, Tina Simpson opened up yapper and said that Tony and Jessica were married.

Awwww.

Then of course TMZ.COM stalked out Nick Lachey and asked him if its true. He then replied, "I don't give flying...." okay no he didn't. Nick said, "Well I guess if my mom said it, it must be true!"

God I hope either of them are sterile. There are ants that have higher IQ's than Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson have the combined!

Nevertheless, if it is true. Congratulations to Tony and Jessica.

Source: azcentral.com

No More Hippies In The NFL

Well it looks like the NFL is not allowing hippies anymore. After the Steelers vs Chiefs game where Troy Polamalu got his hair pulled when being tackled by Kansas City's Larry Johnson, the Kansas City proposed a rule that long hair should no longer be allowed in games. I have to agree. Who wants to watch a bunch of dudes running around pulling each others hair? If I wanna see some hair pulling, I would rather see each teams' cheerleaders in a oil wrestling match against each other.

I do agree with the Chiefs on this one. Long hair does not belong on the field. You are at risk for getting it yanked out. And honestly if you have long hair, don't go crying that you got it pulled. Big fucking babies. In fact, I think the NFL should penalize people with long hair by making them wear pink jerseys. Here is one for you Troy.


















Source: Yahoo Sports

Why I think Eli Manning should be the next Madden NFL Cover Boy

It's simple, The Madden Curse. Since Vince Young didn't suffer too badly (as you can see here) I think that the curse is going to hit extra strong on the next person. As I bow my head at my EA Sports and Tiburon alter I pray "please please please please PLEASE let it be Eli Manning". The way I see it, it'll be a horrific career ending injury. I don't want him crippled like Dennis Byrd's injury (lucky he recovered, that was a brutal impact) as that's just too horrific. But a nice Joe Theisman would do the trick. So Eli! I'm pullin' for ya' big boi.

The NFL is Rigged (part 2)

As I stated boldly earlier, The NFL is rigged as proven by having Mannings win back to back Superbowls. What a crock! I don't want to get into it again, what I do want to get into is more evidence. Let's look at the Rams and the Titans. As the Los Angeles Rams, they were the joke of the NFL, much like the 49ers and Dolphins of today. You'd hear things like "Why are the rams like a tampon? They are only good for one period and they don't have a second string." Meanwhile, the then Oilers were always a team that you could never take lightly, but at the same time, they were never any threat to go all the way. Sorry, Moon, you'll always be considered one of my favorite quarterbacks in football, but you fumbled way too much (note, Warren Moon is the NFL fumble king). So, now you have two teams that good teams like the then Niners, Cowboys, Packers, Giants, Broncos, Dolphins, and the ungodly Bills (4 back to back superbowl appearances! GOOD GRAVY!) never really batted an eye at. So now we have the first thread of this conspiracy.

Fortunately, this one isn't as deep as some of the others, but still, for all you blind fans out there, OPEN YOUR EYES! Here's the second part. The midwest during the 80's and 90's didn't have any teams worth squat, and most of those moved away. The fans were starting to migrate to other sports like Baseball, Hockey, and Lacrosse. That's a lot of money that the NFL was looking at loosing, so in a brain buster move by the NFL, the Oilers and the Rams relocate to Tennessee and St. Louis respectively. Oilers in a place the NFL has never been, and the Rams to fill the hole the Cardinals left behind. Then the Oilers change their name the following season to the Titans, and then out of the blue, two chump teams filled with chump players suddenly become superstars and take over? I call Bull $#!t on this one. Look at those players stats after the short run both teams had, they were all a synchronized flash in the pan. That doesn't happen in real life, but it sure does if you are following a script.

Anyway, I hope that your eyes are starting to open more. I think it's time for me to start watching the CFL and Arena Football, bet those aren't scripted (or nearly as much so).

Sports Assassin!

Shaun Alexander needs to grow a brain

So it would appear the Shaun Alexander is wondering what is up with the recent additions of running-backs Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett.

Shaun....GROW A FREAKIN' BRAIN!

Your last two years have been PATHETIC. You are injury prone, and when you are not injured, you deliver a lackluster performance. Your great running skill has given the Seattle Seahawks a pathetic ranking in rush yardage. Seattle averaged just 4.0 yards per carry in 2006 and 3.8 last season. Mike Holmgren isn't retarded. He gave you your chance. The passing offense still delivers, its time for you to step up to the plate.

My guess is that Shaun Alexander is getting fired, or Holmgren is using Duckett and Jones to light a fire under Alexander's ass.

Source: Yahoo Sports

UPDATE: Trent Green to remain a Ram!

A few days ago I posted that Trent Green was going to be with the Green Bay Packers. Well before Green Bay could whip out the pen, St. Louis decided to sign the concussion-prone Trent Green to a 3 year deal. He will play backup quarterback for Mark Bulger. Trent Green replaces Gus Frerotte as Bulger's backup. My question is, why is Gus Frerotte even playing still?

Madden curse to be broken?

So I guess the New York Giants are looking to break the "Madden Curse". They are looking to pick up David Carr as a backup to Eli Manning.

Wow. So much for winning back to back Super Bowls eh? I guess since the coach secured a nice fat contract, he doesn't care about the team anymore. David Carr was the starting quarterback that got beat out by retired 44 year old veteran Vinnie Testaverde.

I.....I am speechless.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Can't the 49ers ever do anything right?

As reported in The Mercury News the (lack of) brains in the front office of the San Francisco 49ers have signed yet another old as dirt wide receiver. This would be 36 year old (that's a hell of a lot of candles to place on that cake) Isaac Bruce. Ten years ago this would be something great. A kick ass receiver in the prime of his game. But now? Seriously? When you need to get a legitimate receiver for the future? Hell, they need two good ones and a solid slot receiver for backup and three receiver sets. Right now the top of their receiving corps needs fibercon, bran muffins and oxygen tanks just to get them through each down, let alone a season. Sure Bruce and Darrell Jackson can catch a ball, great receivers can do that at any point in their careers, but they no longer have the speed or agility to burn the corners that are covering them...well, at least not by mid way through the second 3 and out drive that we're sure to see. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised to see the corners jogging when covering and the safties playing Tiddlywinks between downs.

But Manly...what about the running game? Mike Martz is pretty much a zero run offensive cordinator who plays the vertical game. He likes his receivers tall and fast and the running back is simply another down field threat, so Gore, hope you like trying to sell the play action 15-30 times a week or so. Sure it worked in St. Louis, and maybe by reuniting Martz with many of the vets that were a part of the Rams Superstar seasons might help the young guns a bit...but based on what we've seen so far from these players? Might look more like Pee wee football all over again *envisions all these crimson and gold uniforms swarming the ball*.

Manly, you're not being fair...what about the quarter back? What about him? If you're talking about Alex Smith, I've said for two season now to bench the bum. He's a total waste of time and effort. He has no confidence in his linemen (and for good reason), in his 32 games he's been sacked 81 times. That's just over two and a half sacks per game, and he's considered a scrambler...good thing or that number would be WAY higher. Imagine where Joe Montana would be with an offensive line like that? *shudders* but that doesn't change the fact that with Smith at the helm the niners loose miserably, usually by the arm of Smith. The only flash of hope last season comes with Shaun Hill, wearing lucky number thirteen. In his three games, he got a 101.6 QB rating and two of the teams five wins. So, sit Smith on his cry baby ass and let Hill sink or swim. He's more than earned the right to fight for Smith's millions. And why oh why did the niners even opt to pick up on Smith's options, with his crying and fighting with Nolan, even after signing Hill to a contract with performance incentives?

But Manly...what about the defense? Oh please! I've already blogged enough about the craptastic job that the niners front office has done with offense (worst in the NFL over all, dead last in points, total offensive yards and passing yards, and fifth lowest in rushing yards)...let's give them some oxygen, fibercon and a nap to prepare for the second round with me (better in defense, but still 20th in points allowed, 25th in yards allowed and that breaks down to a beatiful 22nd in both passing yards and rushing yards individually). Maybe I'll give them a break, after all, every team deserves one every once in a while, and I'm sure this upcoming 2008 season won't offer one.

Packers to acquire Trent Green as QB. Aaron Rodgers not scared

Yeah I wouldn't be scared if the Packers brought Trent Green on either. Granted Aaron Rodgers has some big shoes to fill, being the backup QB for Favre for 5 years, I am sure Brett has taught him a thing or three. Don't expect Aaron Rodgers to come out like a gunslinger....But I feel the Packers will be safe. Trent Green has the experience behind him. But, um, that's really about it. He's not THAT GREAT of a quarterback. Oh well. They could do worse, and bring in Brian Greise.

Falcons cut Harrington, no one surprised

The Atlanta Falcons have cut QB Joey Harrington. He was acquired last year by the Falcons in April of 2007. Once a first-round pick out of the University of Oregon in the 2002 NFL Draft, Joey Harrington's career has been craptacular. With76 career starts at quarterback and more than 14,500 passing yards and 79 touchdown passes. His career passer rating is 70.5. Wait a minute. Okay, so I guess there are starting quarterbacks out there that are worse than Eli Manning.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Warren Sapp retires....and no one cares

Starting Defensive Tackle for the Oakland Raders, Warren Sapp, has announced that he is retiring. Sapp posted on his web site two words, “I’M DONE”. Apparently after the Raiders game in San Diego, he told the players and staff that he was retiring.

Sapp spent nine seasons with Tampa Bay. But like most NFL players, he got greedy and wanted more money. He decided to become a free agent and signed with the Raiders, where he was garbage. Actually you can’t blame Warren Sapp for having such lackluster seasons when he signed with the Oakland Raiders. I mean its hard when you are the only good player on your defense.

Source: Yahoo Sports

FINALLY!!!

Well its official….Brett Favre has retired from the Green Bay Packers and the NFL after 17 years of playing.

Packers.Com has a list of records that Brett has accomplished:

Here's a list of those significant league records:

Most TD passes: 442
Favre surpassed Dan Marino's mark of 420 in Week 4 last season at Minnesota, with a 16-yard TD pass to Greg Jennings.

Most passing yards: 61,655
Favre connected with his old buddy Donald Driver to break Marino's mark of 61,361 yards at St. Louis last season in Week 15.

Most passing attempts: 8,758
Favre also broke this one last year in Week 4 at the Metrodome, and finished exactly 400 passes ahead of Marino (8,358).

Most wins by a starting QB: 160
Favre eclipsed John Elway's previous mark of 148 in Week 2 last season against the New York Giants. Including postseason, Favre won 172 games. Manning is tops among active QBs with 105 regular-season wins.

Most consecutive starts, quarterback: 253 (275 including playoffs)
The next-longest streak for a QB belongs to Manning, at 160 games (173 including playoffs) and counting. Among all players and documented streaks, Favre came up 17 games shy of Minnesota's Jim Marshall, who started 270 straight contests.

Most 3,000-yard passing seasons: 16
Marino ranks second on this list with 13.

Most consecutive 3,000-yard passing seasons: 16
Manning broke a second-place tie with Marino last season with his 10th in a row.

Most pass completions: 5,377
Favre surpassed Marino's 4,967 completions two seasons ago, with a pass to Carlyle Holiday against Detroit on Dec. 17, 2006, at Lambeau Field.

Most seasons with 30-plus TD passes: 8
Marino and Manning are both a distant second here with four each.

Most consecutive games with a TD pass, postseason: 18
Favre extended this by two more games last season. Once again, Marino is in second place with 13.

Most NFL MVP awards: 3
Six other players, the only active ones being quarterbacks Manning and Kurt Warner, have won the award twice. Favre was runner-up to Tom Brady in 2007 for a potential fourth MVP.

Retire already!!!

So Packers.Com think that they are comedians. They originally posted that Brett Favre has announced his retirement. Well it just turns out to be a mistake.

How the heck to make a mistake like that? Seriously. Unless someone broke in, hijacked the page, and took it over. But I seriously doubt that. My guess is that Brett Farve IS GOING to retire. They just uploaded the page a little too soon. Oops! Moron! You were supposed to do that AFTER the press conference.

In my honest opinion, Brett Favre NEEDS to retire. He's had 17 consistantly good seasons. His stats are awesome. He needs to do his body a favor and retire. How I don't think his talent needs to go to waste just yet. I think he needs to do a Jim Zorn, and become a coach. This guy has so much talent, that I think he would be deadly as a coach.

Source: The Sporting News

Give Turner what he deserves!!!

According to the Sporting News, midnight tonight is when San Diego Charger running back Michael Turner becomes a Free Agent. Okay so his season stats aren't that impressive. But remember, he is LaDanian Tommelson's backup. When LT gets injured, who do they turn to? Michael Turner. The guy is phenomenal. He is an awesome producing running back. If LT decided to retire, Michael Turner could easily step in the role of being the starting running back.

There are a lot of teams in the NFL that could utilize an awesome back like Michael Turner. A couple of teams that immediately come to mind: Arizona Cardinals, Dallas Cowboys, and the Seahawks. Yeah yeah I know, the Seahawks have Shaun Alexander....But is he reliable anymore?

Source: The Sporting News

Eli Manning to be cover boy on Madden 09?

So MJD from Yahoo Sports posted a blog stating that Eli may be cover boy for Madden 09. Well first of all, that's just hearsay....MJD is probably just talking out of his ass like he always does. I love Madden. I have probably bought every iteration of it since Madden 2000 back in the PlayStation 2. But if Eli is going to be on it, then it may be the first one that I don't buy. I won't be able to play a came seeing his Neanderthalic mug everywhere. Apparently the Madden Curse still exists. Vince Young didn't have that great of a season, but I think that's just because he's not that great....Not because of Madden. San Diego Charger Luis Castillo injured his ankle in the 2007 Season causing him to miss 6 games. You know what....I hope EA DOES decide to put Eli Manning on there, this way someone can give his whiney-ass a career ending injury.

Source: Yahoo Sports

Children in Nicaragua told false US Sports History

So what happens to all those shirts, hats, jerseys, and other miscellaneous swag that get made for championship games, but never sees that light of day? Well the NFL donated 290 New England Patriots "Super Bowl Champions, 19-0" items that were created for them got shipped off to impoverished children in Nicaragua. The NFL also donated an equal number of team jerseys as well.

Well that is pretty nice. Even though now children in Nicaragua thing that the Patriots had a perfect 19-0 season. Remind me not to enlist one of them on my NFL trivia team. I also wonder if any of these will hit eBay?

Source: ESPN

Zorn cleaning house

Ever since Jim Zorn was made the new Washington Redskins coach, it looks like he has been cleaning some house. On Friday, Zorn hired former Titans assistant head coach Sherman Smith to be his offensive coordinator. Apparently these two had worked together back in the 1970's and 1980's with the Seahawks.

Jim Zorn is cleaning house, and he has only been there one week! I hope he keeps the Redskins waterboys. I hear they are the best in the NFL, and can pour a mean glass of water.

Source: Yahoo Sports

What is wrong with the NFL?

So now we learn that Bill Belichick, Head Coach for the New England Patriots, has has been illegally taping the New Yorks Jets since the year 2000! Furthermore, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has been trying to get a hold of former Patriots employee Matt Walsh on the suspicion of taping a walk through practice by the St. Louis Rams before the 2002 Super Bowl. Now if you all remember, the Patriots came in as the two-touchdown underdog, and they ended up winning the Super Bowl that year in New Orleans.

What did the NFL do to Bill Belichick and the Patriots team? They slapped Bill Bilichick with a $500,000 fine. The Patriots were given a $250,000 fine and forfeited a 1st round draft pick.

Are you freakin' serious? That's it??? What the hell is wrong with the NFL? In the NCAA if it is found that your team cheats or breaks any other rule, the school's athletics division is seriously punished. Anywhere from fines, firing of coaches, to not being allowed to compete in Championship games. Does the NFL really think that slapping Bill Belichick with a $500,000 fine is going to do any good? That fine is only about 12% of his reported 4.3 million dollar a year salary. And the New England Patriots franchise, is $250,000 really going to hurt them? YEAH RIGHT! Is forfeiting a 1st round draft pick going to hurt the number one team in the NFL? Don't make me laugh.

The NFL's investigation on Spygate is/was about as worthless as the 9/11 commission. Yeah it proved they messed up. Is anyone going to take the blame and be seriously punished? Nope. I don't understand why the NFL does not have a "No Tolerance" policy on cheating. Bill Belichick should have been fired. The Patriots should not even be allowed to participate in the NFL Draft. In fact, like Sherrif Joe Arpaio, I think the NFL should make New England Patriots play in pink jerseys! Why? Because only pussies cheat!

Sources: Yahoo Sports, ESPN, AOL Sports

The NFL is Rigged!

You must either agree with me or be strongly considering the possibility if you are reading this article. How else do you explain a QB with a career rating of 73.4 winning a Super Bowl? Especially when this season was his worst season (a paltry 73.9) since his rookie year ? Yes Eli, I'm talking about you. This from a father who has a totally pathetic 67.1 career rating. Don't think I'm picking on the Manning family, Peyton has my respect. He is probably the hardest working player out there and has more than earned his ring with a 94.7 career rating, which includes a staggering 121.1 in 2004! Hell, Peyton's rookie year (71.2) was better than his dad's career rating.

But more to the point of this article. Just look at the information above and tell me how the hell both Manning's can win a Super Bowl...back to back no less? And look at Tom Brady's rating this year, a stunning 117.2. This team set so many records this year that it is almost beyond comprehension. I'm afraid that a conspiracy is afoot. Tom Brady was a robot this year, to see him struggle like that in the Super Bowl (which he has more than one win in, including an MVP) on a team filled with Super Bowl veterans versus a team that only had one player in the Super Bowl before (and he was a backup player on the Patriots at the time) just doesn't make sense. Eli is not athletic by any means, so please explain how he escaped that sack in the closing minute of the Super Bowl... I'll explain, it's called scripted.

OK, now that I bombarded you with stats and what-not. Here's a look at the WHY. As in "Why the hell would the NFL be scripted?" Eli Manning entered the NFL as one of the most hated players, where his brother is one of the more loved, (and his dad? Well, we'll leave him out of it). How did he do that you ask? Simple, he told the San Diego Chargers to not draft him, that if he was drafted by them, he wouldn't show up to training camp. Sorry, playing in the NFL is a privilege, not a right. So San Diego drafts him and traded him to the Giants. Now he's expected to be a passing freak like his dad and brother (who by the way has the worst win/loss ratio in NFL history, even worse than Ryan Leaf (who incidentally has a career rating that is comparable to Archie's)). He sucks as a passing threat, turns out he's no Peyton (guess not working very hard might be a factor). So, now he's four seasons into the NFL, the critics call him a weapon...and in that I agree...he's like a hand grenade, if you don't throw it far enough or soon enough, he'll blow up your hand. Anyway, his statistics and his game play don't match the critical acclaim he's getting. He needs something monumental in order to etch his name into immortality along with his big brother's. What better way than to topple the only undefeated team since the 72 Dolphins in the Super Bowl during the closing minute? What could be more poetic than that? More perfect? More scripted? OK, now if you've been paying attention, you'd be asking yourself "But Sports Assassin, how can it be scripted if it was just one game? Wouldn't it be more like a few payoffs to key people in the last game instead?" Sure, but who's to say that the whole season wasn't planned out this way. You get the momentum and attention set on New England right from the starter's pistol and have the Giants choke out on a couple of games. Right from the beginning you have the whole David and Goliath setup. One team that is just absolutely unstoppable and one team that is the underdog in damn near every game they play. And as long as everyone follows their scripts, you have the best NFL drama to date. Mark my words, we'll see both Manning boys in the Super Bowl soon. I'd be shocked if it happened in the 2008 season though, as that'd arouse too much suspicion from the fans, but never underestimate the power of stupid people in a group.

And now, because of all this, we have to listen to Don Shula run his egotistical mouth for who knows how many more years...*sigh*

-Love me, hate me, flame me, I am The Sports Assassin

Coming Soon

Real opinions by real fans

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